


Not While I'm Around

by EvasiveWarrior (Emilightning)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bit of Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Moxiety, Platonic-ish Prinxiety, he needs a hug and a nap and another hug, he protecc. he protecc. but most of all he repress the self loathing, i guess? it was meant to be angstier but i guess it's just soft boy hours in here, i mean they're pretty gay though, virgil is all kinds of messed up right now folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-20 08:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19372555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilightning/pseuds/EvasiveWarrior
Summary: This is exactly what Virgil was afraid of. (Set during the night immediately following DWIT.)





	Not While I'm Around

**Author's Note:**

> I think I speak for all of us when I say: BOIIIIIIII.  
> Anyway, here's some Virgil trying to process the realization of his greatest fears; enjoy.

Virgil couldn't sleep.

So what else was new? How long had it been since he'd really been able to keep his very nature quiet enough to get some goddamn rest? 

...Actually, he knew the answer to that, and he wished he didn't. 

It was over a year ago that it started. February of 2018, in fact. The first time since leaving the others for good that he'd seen Deceit face to face... and he hadn't even _known_ it at first. Sure, the way 'Patton' had phrased certain things had set off an alarm bell or two, but Virgil still couldn't believe it had taken him that long to be certain. Wasn't he supposed to be on guard at all times? That was his _job_. And he'd failed worse than he ever had before. 

He hadn't slept at all that night. Or for about a week afterwards. 

After a few months had passed, things had started to settle down again (as much as they could settle down, anyway). There had been no sign of Deceit in the light sides' space for almost a full year, and Virgil had finally started to feel... well, almost at ease again. The nagging feeling that he'd fucked up had never fully left, but at least none of his friends seemed to blame him for it. 

And then it had happened again. With Logan, of all people. The one who was always consistent; the one who was always able to talk down even the most troubling thoughts. The most grounded person Virgil had ever known. Deceit had managed to steal his spot too. Sure, it had only taken a minute for the others to figure it out that time, and Logan hadn't seemed too bothered by it, but still. 

Since that day in the mind palace, when Deceit had not only invaded the space of Virgil's friends and impersonated one of them, but also mocked Virgil in front of all of them, taunting him with the knowledge of his past-- it had been impossible to relax. 

Okay, not that it was ever _easy_ for him to relax, but he really had thought he could avoid the others now. Or at least know when they were coming. Something. Anything. 

He'd strongly suspected Remus would be the next to show up uninvited. In some ways, it was a relief; the Duke was unnerving to say the least, but he wasn't nearly as cunning or terrifying as Deceit. But where Deceit always seemed to be one step ahead, Remus wasn't even walking on the same road.

He was unpredictable, the most frightening thing anybody _could_ be in Virgil's eyes. 

Stupid. He'd been stupid to think that staying constantly on guard could have stopped any of the others from doing what they wanted. He'd done all he could do as anxiety, and it hadn't been enough. Remus had showed up and attacked Roman anyway.

Now that was something Virgil had never actually seen before-- a Side attacking another Side with the intention of seriously hurting them. Maybe Remus was just screwing around and knew that he wouldn't leave any lasting impact, but that was hardly the point. The point was, there were no more boundaries. The others were going to keep pushing the limits until they got what they wanted. Whatever that was. 

Virgil suddenly sat straight up in his bed. _No_. Not while he was here, they wouldn't. 

He slid off the bed and pulled on his hoodie over his pajamas. There was no point in pretending he'd be able to fall asleep, so why not make some use of himself?

******************************************************

Everything was quiet. It was tempting to say 'peaceful', but that wouldn't be accurate; not with the constant fear lingering over his head. And with all that had happened recently, it just felt like tempting fate.

Virgil appeared in the living room. Good, it was empty. He tried to move as noiselessly as possible so as not to wake Thomas, who was actually sleeping soundly for once. At least that was one thing that was going right. 

He stepped past his usual spot at the bottom of the staircase and continued over towards the middle of the room. Looking around, he concentrated on breathing evenly and slowly. Everything was fine. For now. 

It was strange being in there alone, especially in the dark. Not bad-strange, necessarily, but a little lonely. 

_This is how lonely it could end up being forever if you don't figure out how to keep the others from coming back_.

He glanced at Logan's empty spot, then Patton's, then Roman's. There had to be a better way to arrange things so that nobody could sneak up on them again. Maybe if they all stood closer to the walls, where they could see the whole room at once...

As he paced the floor aimlessly, different scenarios racing through his mind as he tried to figure out the best ways to keep his friends safe, a noise caught his attention.

He froze in his tracks, holding his breath as if he'd been caught doing something bad. The noise got closer-- he realized someone was coming towards him, and he quickly backed up as far as he could, hitting the wall and hoping he could blend in with the shadows.

"Virgil?"

He squeezed his eyes shut.

The corner he was standing in was flooded in soft light as someone clicked the lamp on. He forced himself to look up, wincing. Patton stood there, head tilted in concern.

"What are you doing out here, kiddo?" His voice was quiet but Virgil could tell he was caught off-guard; he hadn't expected anyone else to be down here. 

"I... I don't know. Nothing." 

Patton sat down on the edge of the sofa, resting his chin in his hands. He looked tired but smiled kindly at Virgil as always. "You sure?" 

Something about the way he said it made the dull ache that had been sitting in Virgil's chest since he'd told Thomas the truth burst open. His throat burned from trying to hold back tears. He shook his head, then shrugged and joined his friend on the couch. 

"Aw, kiddo..." Patton started to reach out towards him, but hesitated. "Will you let me hug you?" he asked.

Virgil nodded, not trusting his voice to stay stable. He felt the affectionate side's arms wrap around him, completely safe and warm. It took him a moment, but he managed to lift his own arms enough to return the hug slightly. It felt awkward, but he could hear a muffled "Awww!" and took it as an approval. 

They both pulled away; Patton's expression was a mixture of pride and sympathy. "Couldn't sleep again either?"

Virgil sighed. "Yeah." He fidgeted with the string on his hoodie, twisting it around his finger over and over. "I tried. I didn't want to wake anybody else, so I tried to sleep, but I couldn't stop thinking about... you know." 

"I do know." Patton shifted his position on the sofa, tucking his legs underneath him and sinking as far into the cushions as possible. "I didn't get to tell you this earlier, but it was really brave of you to tell Thomas about... the way things used to be." 

Virgil attempted to smirk, but it felt more like a grimace. "I wouldn't really call that _brave_. I didn't have much of a choice. It was either I told him, or they would."

"You don't know that for sure." Patton's tone was growing heated, the way it always did when Virgil went too far down the self-deprecation rabbit hole. "Nobody blames you for not talking about it, you know. It's in the past, and it doesn't matter. You're not like them." 

"I know," Virgil said. "I always knew that deep down, and so did they. I didn't really belong with them, but... I mean at least back then, Thomas knew who to blame right away when he felt bad." 

Patton looked directly at him, mouth slightly agape. "Don't even say that! You heard what Logan said earlier; it's just as much my fault that Thomas has been feeling so... troubled lately." His lip quivered the slightest bit as his fists balled in frustration. "He used to trust me, you know. And I used to trust myself. But now... now I just don't know."

They both sat in silence for several long moments, lost in thought.

"So we both feel like garbage," Virgil noted, just to get confirmation. "And neither of us thinks the other needs to feel bad."

The paternal side smiled again. "Pretty much, yeah. Do you think we're overthinking things?"

"Nah... we've never done that."

*************************************************

Talking with Patton one-on-one always helped Virgil feel a little more human, a little more... well, loved. Eventually, they both agreed that they needed to at least try to get some sleep. Virgil lingered in the living room briefly after Patton had sunk out, feeling hesitant to go back to his own room. It wasn't exactly the warmest or most welcoming space. But he supposed he didn't have a choice; he had promised he'd try to go back to bed.

He thought it was his imagination at first when he saw the white-clad figure already standing in his room, facing away from him-- obviously looking for him.

"Roman?"

The prince in question spun around in surprise, obviously on edge. "Virgil! You scared me." He leaned back against the door, huffing indignantly. "Don't sneak up on me like that."

"You're the one who's in _my_ room--" Virgil cut himself off mid-defense. "You know what, fine. You're right. I'm sorry." 

Roman's face softened considerably. "No, I'm sorry. I, um... I don't really know what to say," he confessed. 

"That's a first." They both smiled a little. "So, you gonna tell me why you're in here, or...?"

To his surprise (and amusement), Roman seemed suddenly almost shy. "This might sound a little weird, but I wanted to- I mean, I came to make sure that, you know... you're doing okay?"

"Me?" Virgil let out a short, incredulous laugh. "Why wouldn't _I_ be okay?" 

"Because I know you," Roman answered matter-of-factly. "I know how bad it seems to mess with you when the dark sides- when the others show up," he corrected himself. "And, you know... I feel bad for not figuring it out sooner. I wasn't able to protect you all... so what kind of a prince am I?" He practically spat out the last part, his brow furrowing in frustration. 

Virgil wasn't sure how to respond to Roman's sudden outburst. This was one of his most self-aware moments; as rare as they were, Virgil always found them incredibly moving. Not that he'd ever admit it, but something about the way the prideful prince became suddenly vulnerable was undeniably... well, charming. 

Before he realized what he was doing, he closed the distance between them and reached his hand around to gently touch the back of Roman's head. His fingers barely brushed the spot where he'd been hit; the sizable knot stood out underneath the soft brown hair.

"You're a prince with battle wounds," he said quietly. "And you're a prince who would face the same villain over and over until you defeated them." His eyes flickered up for a brief second and met Roman's. As he looked away, he added, "Or, y'know... saved him from himself."

Roman's expression was struggling to stay neutral, but his cheeks were flaming pink at the completely random tender gesture from Virgil. "You- you were never a villain," he said, and he meant it. "You were like, uh..." He paused, then snapped his fingers. "Te Fiti in _Moana_. People saw you as a villain because you were hurting, but really you just wanted to be understood."

Virgil smirked, but he couldn't hide the sting of tears that prickled in his eyes. "Princey, that's the second time you've referenced _Moana_ today."

"Because it's awesome!"

"Fair enough. Now are we going to get some sleep, or what?" Virgil nodded towards his large, unmade bed without a hint of sarcasm.

The prince's eyes widened for a split second. Was he serious? "Oh." For once, he seemed at a loss for words. "You don't mind if I stay in here tonight?"

"I haven't been able to fall asleep alone for months," Virgil confessed. "Might as well try being... y'know, not alone?" He cringed at his own awkwardness, but when he looked up again, Roman was grinning widely.

"You are something else, Virge," he laughed. "You're a master flirt and you don't even know it."

"Princey?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

*************************************************

Roman fell asleep almost immediately, curling up closer to Virgil than was perhaps necessary, but the anxious side couldn't say he minded. 

He lay on his back, closing his eyes and feeling ... content. Was it this easy? Just having someone to protect, and feeling protected by them in return?

Would that be enough?

"G'night, Prince Overachiever," he whispered.

To his surprise, Roman mumbled back, "Night, my... small hero...6? Yeah, let's go with that..." 

Yeah.

It was enough for now. 


End file.
